Domestic violence is abusive behaviour targeted to someone the abuser is in an intimate relationship with, this could be marriage, partnership, dating, family or even cohabiting. Currently for it to be classed as domestic abuse both parties have to be over the age of 18, however this is to change from March 2013 to include anyone over the age of 16.
Domestic violence has many different forms, these include but not limited to:
Physical Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Financial Abuse
Isolation & Exclusion
Controlling
Victims of domestic violence are generally thought of as women however over 40% of victims that have contacted the authorities are male. The true figure could be even higher due to the reluctance of men to contact the authorities in relation to domestic violence, due to ego and the limited assistance available for men.
Children are also affected by domestic violence and are usually referred to as the Forgotten Victims. Children can be affected in many different ways from this type of violence, this can include being verbally or physically attacked themselves, the turmoil that endures after the abuse has ended and possibly the more damaging emotionally is to become a witness, to see someone who you care for dearly being threatened, tormented, attacked or tortured.
Domestic violence is not limited to parts of society but can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Within the domestic violence policy used by the UK's court advisory service, it is defined as:
Patterns of behaviour characterised by the misuse of power and control by one person over another who are or have been in an intimate relationship. It can occur in mixed gender relationships and same gender relationships and has profound consequences for the lives of children, individuals, families and communities. It may be physical, sexual, emotional and/or psychological. The latter may include intimidation, harassment, damage to property, threats and financial abuse.
Why do people abuse ?
There are many reasons why domestic violence occurs, although not extensive some of the reasons are:
Inherited behaviour from childhood, living in a dysfunctional or abusive family can make it seem normal behaviour.
For men to prove their masculinity through violence, alternatively for a woman to attempt to prove she can be stronger than a male, in a supposedly male dominated society.
To dominate and control what another does, giving the feeling of superiority.
Manipulating the victim the ability to change how someone thinks and behaves through mind games, this is more to ensure the abuse can continue. Making it feel like the victims fault rather than the abuser, to also ensure it is not reported due to fear of reprisals or non-belief from the authorities.
To gain total obedience and submission from the victim.
The venting of anger through violence or threats using the victim as a punch bag to relieve stress.
Symptoms of domestic violence?
Victim feelings & behaviour
Feel afraid of your partner and their reactions.
Avoid certain topics to prevent your partner becoming angered.
Agree with your partner no matter what, due to fear of reprisals. (Inability to say no).
Feeling of uselessness, that you cannot do anything right.
Having to use excuses for your partners behaviour towards you.
Belief that what your partner is doing, is deserved in some way.
Feelings of anxiety around your partner or entirely loss of any emotional feelings.
Being embarrassed in front of family, friends or acquaintances for your partners behaviour towards you.
Abusive behaviour
Belittling, humiliating or constantly criticizing.
Hypocritical, do as I say not as I do.
Shouting aggressively or inappropriately for the situation.
Blaming you for their behaviour.
Having an unpredictable temper.
Having a Jekyl and Hyde personality.
Ignoring or dismissing your opinions or achievements.
Acting excessively jealous or possessive.
Constantly checking where you are, what you're doing, where you have been etc...
Physically attacking or threats to hurt / kill you.
Threats against your children or threats to get the children / victim taken away or separated.
Threats of suicide or harm if the victim is to leave.
Damaging or destroying your property, or something you care for.
Isolation from friends or family.
Controlling finances, phone, car etc...
Treating you as an object or animal rather than a person of equality.
Forcing themselves upon you, either in a violent or sexual manner.
Reasons for not reporting abuse
This can be a very hurtful thing to say to someone who has been through this type of violence, without going through a similar experience yourself it can be very difficult to understand.
In a sense this comment is placing the blame on the victim rather than that of the abuser, why didn't the abuser leave?, why didn't the abuser STOP?. An abuser has many tools at his exposal to stop someone who is abused from leaving among manipulation, threats and violence some of these are:
Belief that the abuse will stop, they will change.
Was unsure if it was a form of domestic violence or not.
Fear of reprisals if an attempt is made to leave.
No self-esteem and feelings of self blame.
Fear the children will be taken away from me or/and live with the abuser.
How do I support myself and my children?
Fear of not being believed.
What if I am alone for the remainder of my life, no one will want me?
My children need a father and mother.
What will others think of my situation?
How will this affect my children emotionally?
I still love him/her and I know they love me, a form of Stockholm Syndrome
No support for me, where do I go, I have no friends or family.
Others kept telling me to stay with him/her, pressured to stay.
I thought I was going crazy or believed it was my entire fault?
Its all due to stress at work, everything is ok now.
How will this affect my career or how I am perceived within the community?
Reasons for not reporting emotional abuse
Felt normal behaviour, dont know any difference.
Fear of reprisals if a complaint is made.
No self-esteem and feelings of self loathing.
Fear of exclusion or isolation.
Fear of not being believed.
Unsure on legality.
The not knowing what happens if a complaint is made.
Unsure how to complain or get help.
Feelings of self blame and self loathing.
Blackmail or threats made to prevent me complaining.
Will others hurt me more if I do complain.
Fear it will break the family apart, or the blame of a breakdown in relationship.
Belief it will never happen again.
The person is someone who I rely on.
Scared of repercussions, will the abuser be sent to prison.